Grow Deeper in Love
Love and Intimacy as a Foundation of Health
In my practice I start with and continue coming back to the things that create health in peoples lives, also called the foundations of health. Being intimate with your partner is a foundation of health, and intimacy doesn’t always mean sex.
Being intimate with another person is to allow yourself to be vulnerable with them. Holding hands, cuddling, sex, listening to each others dreams and fears are all different kinds of intimacy. Going deeper, on a spiritual level, it is to open your soul to them. This will be hard to do with another person if you haven’t done it with yourself first. Being vulnerable to yourself, having a kind internal voice, and loving yourself all will go a long way with connecting to your partner.
Loving another person is a way to learn about yourself. In a relationship, we reflect things in each other that we might not otherwise see as well. BUT you have to be open to seeing those things. Easier said than done.
Three Forces of Intimacy
There are three forces of intimacy: the love force, the erotic force and the sex force. The energy created by the erotic force, or eros, is one of the most powerful forces in the world. It is meant to bridge the love and sex forces. The sexual force lasts a relatively short time, but the state of pure love is permanent. Of course, you have to be open to pure love. It’s difficult for some people to fully let another person in, and in this case, eros can only take them so far before pure love is denied. I haven’t met anyone who wants true love denied to them, but yet all the time they are doing things that don’t cultivate love.
Ask yourself these questions:
Is there anything holding you back from experiencing pure love?
Do you have old resentments toward your partner? What will it take to let those go?
Can you allow yourself to be vulnerable and go and grow deeper into love?
Doing The Best For Each Other
I had a counselor once who said that the most successful couples are always doing the best for each other, without expectation of getting anything in return just because they want to see the other person happy, and they aren’t keeping score. These lessons sound easier than they actually are to put into action! Relationships take work. We all have loyalties to habits and ways of doing things. Whether those loyalties come from our parents’ relationships and how they functioned, other relationships we’ve seen modeled, or our own past relationships, or perhaps older patterns we came into this life with.
If you’re looking for more inspiration on this topic, I highly recommend looking into the things that the Gottman Institute puts out. They have group classes, couples counseling sessions, videos, books, etc to get you thinking about your relationship.
I offer one-on-one sessions to help people go deeper into this as well.
I married my love last Fall and we created this book, Our Love Songs. I hope this inspires the forces of love in your life!
Defeated By Love
The sky was lit by the splendor of the moon
So powerful I fell to the ground
Your love has made me sure
I am ready to forsake this worldly life and surrender to the magnificence of your Being